When I was a teenager, my mother would tell me to dress the way I wanted to be perceived. At the time, I did not appreciate the advice. I was perfectly happy leaving the house in pajamas and could not understand why it mattered so much to her.
She, on the other hand, never went anywhere without looking put together. Even a trip to the grocery store meant getting dressed and putting on lipstick. It was not necessarily about being dressed up; there was simply a level of care in how she presented herself. My grandmother, Pity, was much the same way. She was incredibly poised, and as a child I think I noticed it without really understanding it.
Now, of course, I understand my mother's advice very differently. I don't think she was telling me that I needed to be perfectly dressed at all times or that what other people thought of me should dictate what I wore. I think she understood that the way we present ourselves can affect the way we carry ourselves. There is something about taking a few extra minutes to get dressed that can make you feel more prepared for whatever the day has in store.
It's something I find myself doing now without really thinking about it. I look at my calendar, consider where I am going and choose what to wear based partly on how I want to feel when I get there. I like to be polished, but I also want to be comfortable. I have learned what works for me, and I return to those pieces again and again.
Somewhere along the way, I became much more like my mother than my teenage self probably would have imagined. I see some of those same influences in Nina Nieves, too. The brand is named after my mother, but so much of what Karol and I absorbed growing up came from both her and Pity. Pity made the dresses we wore for our First Communion, and I still remember how beautifully made they were. When I was in elementary school, I even took sewing lessons with her and learned a few basic stitches. Years later, she sent me her sewing machine, which I still have despite the fact that I still don't know how to use it.
Karol clearly inherited more of that side of the family than I did. She has the design background and an incredible attention to construction and detail. She can look at a collar, a seam or the way a fabric is falling and immediately begin thinking about what needs to change. I tend to see the overall picture first. But I think we both inherited an appreciation for things that are made with care and for the difference those details can make.
Having my own daughter has made me think about all of this in a new way. Adele is 15 now, which is around the age when I certainly did not want much advice from my mother about what I should be wearing. I try to remember that.
There are things our mothers tell us that we simply can't understand until we have lived long enough to arrive at the lesson ourselves. I imagine there will be things I say to Adele now that make little sense to her and may come back to her years from now.
I still don't believe getting dressed needs to be about impressing anyone. If anything, I think my mother's advice has become less about how other people perceive me and much more about how I perceive myself.
KJS
